Question: Despite not having a religious upbringing, I struggle a lot with behavior that is biblically “immoral”. When I had psychosis I hallucinated nuns and priests and heard voices telling me “God isn’t real”. I cannot identify any (current) life events that have led to my experiences. More in comments…
I got diagnosed with depression with psychosis when I was hospitalized for treatment. So I guess I have it but I’m just not having any current psychotic symptoms and haven’t for a while.
And it was stress induced, my parents wouldn’t get me treatment for depression that I started displaying symptoms of in 6th grade. I got hospitalized for treatment the beginning of my senior year in high school.
Before I had my psychotic break I identified as agnostic because I didn’t feel comfortable completely writing off the belief in any God. My psychotic break was very religiously oriented which just made things more confusing for me.
I feel some comfort if I just identify as spiritual. I couldn’t even tell you the difference between most religions because they’ve never been emphasized in my life and calling myself Christian or some other variation makes me feel deep discomfort.
Despite liking clothing that shows off my body and emphasizes my shape I still feel discomfort and paranoia that I’m doing something “wrong”. Casual sex feels “wrong” and “dirty”. I don’t understand why these are so deeply rooted in me when I’ve never even read the Bible.
On a lighter note, a lot of my Halloween costumes over the years have been some flavor of religious garb. Angel, devil, nun etc. I was thinking about doing an extensive angel costume this year honestly.
Astrological perspective.
Moon-Pisces conjunction and Moon-Jupiter aspect – spirituality in general and beliefs are big part of your personality. But Moon-Pisces conjunction is also in Aquarius and Jupiter is in 11 House=Aquarius energy as well. So traditional way of expressing spirituality via religion doesn’t fit into your personality.
At the same time, your South Node is Capricorn, so from past lives experience traditional stuff is very familiar to you with some twist because Capricorn ruler Saturn is in the 11 House. Maybe you had some experience of rebelling against traditional way of doing things.
So it’s a lot of contradiction between traditions (Capricorn) and revolution (Aquarius) that probably resulted in attempt to escape from big tension in delusions (Pisces) related to religion (Sagittarius and Pisces). Lilith in the 8th didn’t help either because it added some additional craziness to Aquarius and also “activated” some Scorpio energy.
Provocative clothing most likely related to Venus/Lilith in the 8th House (Scorpio, sexuality) and Aquarius (Venus-Uranus conjunction) – you dress like that to shock and show your unique feminine personality. And, of course, casual sex feels dirty because of Pisces, Sag and Uranus energies influencing your core and self-identity, they all are romantic signs actually.
And your desire to make an angel costume for the Halloween is the the same mixture of Pisces and Aquarius influencing your Moon in the 7th House: being in public pushes for desire to shock everyone (Aquarius) by being and angel (Pisces). And when can you do this? During Halloween, of course, because everyone else doing something opposite.