To summarize the story behind the question: multiple cases of abuse at a young age in the family, later – in relationships, bullying at school, anorexia, depression, anxiety, and inability to properly communicate with others.
Astrology perspective.
Feeling safe is a basic need for everyone. If we don’t feel safe, we can get problems with digestion, anxiety, sleep, communication with others, and so on. Nothing is wrong with you. It seems you just don’t understand what feels safe to you.
Your safety energy profile (that is what feels safe to you, your Moon) is full of Scorpio (Moon-Pluto aspect, Moon in the 8th House) and Aries (Moon in Aries with aspect from Mars) energies accompanied by Sagittarius influence (Moon-Jupiter aspect) and the presence of Lilith in Moon’s House. Here is the spectrum of some of these energies manifestation in life:
- Aries: impulse, instant action, entrepreneurship, challenge, aggression, sexual activity;
- Scorpio: accumulation and transformation, deep levels, long-term intense activity, orgasms, manipulations;
- Saggitarius: expansion, multiplier of everything, feeling not worthy;
- Lilith: distortion, confusion, creativity.
As we see the Scorpio energy with its manifestation in the family is something very familiar from previous lives (Pluto-South Node conjunction in the 4th House). With Moon (sense of safety) in the 8th House (transformation through crisis) it’s very likely to be born into the family that will feed the need for the Scorpio energy and, in your case, this energy is on the hard, abusive side of the spectrum.
This need for Scorpio, Aries, and Sagittarius energies is born with you and it’ll die with you. It won’t go away, so if you won’t find a way to fill your life with those energies, especially when you are performing Moon’s functions (eat, sleep, relax, be at home), they will find a way to be present in your life. For example, via abusive relationships in your case (Moon in the 8th House – result of mutual efforts in relationships).
The easy way to satisfy the need is to create an environment at home that is full of Aries, Scorpio, and Sagittarius energy: food (meat, high protein, spices, exotic, and so on); use black, red, and purple colors in the kitchen, bedroom and where you relax; get some images (posters/painting/photos) that are relevant to those energies and so on; get some intense massages and body treatments; watch detective and criminal stories, horror movies; do some qigong, martial arts.
Link to the case:
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